Too Be Honest

This is killing me. I hate that we have to do this.

tumblr roolz.

I don't understand why we leave "e"s out of things though...

mattradickal.tumblr.com

Reset

It's all turning around from here. And I'm starting with one phrase.

FUCK YOU.

I'm done with the bullshit, the jealousy, and the fear. I'm taking control and I'm no longer letting my emotions run my life. I'm grabbing the wheel. This is my fucking life.

A Letter

I fucking hate you. Why do you put her through this fucking bullshit? Why can't you just grow up and be okay? Why can't you understand? Why can't you be accepting? Why can't you get past what happened? You're pathetic and your actions are only driving you further away from her. Get your fucking ass in line or you're going to lose her forever.

Work

I picked up a shift today. So now, this week I work Sunday-Thursday every night and have scholarship testing on Friday and Saturday. Winterfest Saturday night will be fun though. Karma, you better be watching. And Dan, you better not fuck me over for Valentine's Day.

I've discovered/decided

That it bothers me when people use "nite" instead of "night." Primarily, I just don't understand why. "Night" is a perfectly good word. "Nite" only takes out one letter. It just doesn't make any sense to me...

The exception of course is the Nite Owl, for Watchmen can do no wrong.

Oh Oh Oh!!

I finished Watchmen today. SOOOOO EXCITED!!!

Harmony

I'm really beginning to appreciate the silence in life. Too often we resort to words to try and make sense of this world, but it is near impossible. It's just a huge network of feeling and emotion and the best way to understand those things is to stop talking and start listening.

Eating lunch by myself and taking photography are giving me so much more alone time. I feel peaceful. I'm letting my brain get some to stop and think and it feels great. As crazy as every day is, I feel really really good.

I'm making peace with a lot of people and reaffirming relationships so that they stay strong in the future. It's a really great feeling. I feel like I'm leaving baggage behind and just learning to truly care and love.

I'm listening to This Will Destroy You. I feel so great right now.

Equal Rights Equal Fights

I'm so fucking happy right now. This new year is going smashingly. I've got the right attitude and I'm looking forward. Aint nuthin bringin me down.

Resolved

It's a new year and I know already that its going to be one filled with changes. As the ball dropped and the clock clicked over, I looked onward with fear. It is daunting to face a new 365 days to try and make things work with so many changes in place. But as I sit here now, I look onward with hope. This year, I am finally realizing, through the help of the most beautiful people, that I need to start working for me and not worrying about how selfish that is. Before I can truly be at peace with other people and with the world around me, I need to find peace with myself. So this year, I'm going to take the time I should have allocated before and decide I want to be and who I am going to be. I'm going to control my destiny, but I'm going to do so carefully and be sure in all my opinions. A lot of who I am is going to be the same, but with more conviction and with more honesty. From this day and this year onward, I will stop concerning myself so much with other people and put myself first. I know the people that matter most will still be there anyway and I know that no matter how much time I have to take or how far I have to separate myself, those people will still be there when I need them.

So here is to a new year and to new beginnings. Here's to old friends, new friends, new faces, and new places. It's a time of great beginnings in my life and it's time for me to set myself straight so I can meet those new beginnings with the best of me. Thank you all for 2008. I am now standing optimistically on the edge of 2009 and I promise that good will come out of it.